Ironic

Not sure if any of you follow the Zodiac - but above is the symbol for Libra....(my sign) kind of ironic given my last post, huh?

Still Pondering and Revelations

And trying to figure out how I feel about turning 30. Or maybe it isn't the turning 30 part that has me down lately. Here's what has been going on...

- Back in February I finally gave in to the Husband and decided to go off the pill. I say gave in because he was ready for kids the day we got married. I have always known that I wanted to be a mom, and if you had asked me 10 years ago, would have told you I would have at least 1 kid by now. Things changed, as they normally do, and I found myself holding out. Not because I didn't want kids, I just didn't think I was ready. I have been lucky to have a decent job and have excelled (at least until recently) quite quickly. I grew to love the thrill of completing a project or task successfully and didn't want to give that up. Also, I was scared I would get pregnant right away and would be totally freaked out (I had reason to believe this as several friends were pregnant within 2 months). So, I decided not to go off the pill until I would be prepared if it happened month 1.....well if you read my previous post on turning 30, you know that hasn't happened. Guess I shouldn't have been so worried. Who knows what may have happened. And now I can only believe that God has a plan for us. And it will happen, in His time.

-The Husband is still working to establish his business. While this is nothing new to you all (I think I have mentioned it before), the stress of this can wear one down and it has done that to me on several occasions. Not only the monetary stress, but the beating oneself up for not being the supportive spouse she should be. Its hard to get past the stress and realize this is a lifelong dream of his and the hard part will pass. And believe me, when it passes, we will be celebrating like crazy....hopefully with a fabulous trip and some shopping!! ( Tahiti anyone?!?!)

- My parents have decided to move. They are staying within the same town (which is a bummer itself since I had hoped they would move closer, especially with the potential grandbabies.) They will be moving before I am able to get home. The house they are leaving is the one we moved into when I was 12 (I think). Its the only real home I have known and it will be weird to go to visit at another. I am very happy for them though as this is what they have worked towards for years and it seems the house has everything Mom and Dad wanted. Can't wait to see it! (Plus its a bit bigger so will have more room for visits and those grandbabies when they do come.)

- Speaking of babies...is it me or is everyone around me getting pregnant?!?!? Which makes point one even more difficult to handle. I'm trying to balance the supportive happy friend with my own disappointment.

-My birthday is coming up, but I am having to plan everything. We're visiting in Lexington and I have organized our outing to Keeneland and Dinner. And then the Husband keeps asking what I want....um, its only 12 days away now.....

-Some reorg is going on at work and the way it was going to shake out was not good for me (or at least that is how I felt). A couple days later it was sorted out or at least its better. Looks like I will be traveling to Lexington one week a month.

Sense a common theme?!?! BALANCE....and let me tell you - I am about BALANCED out..........

(shew I guess I just laid it all out there. But I have been holding these in and figured its my blog and it should be an outlet for me....so there you have it. I'm going to try to be more open in the future. I've heard that putting things in "words" makes you feel better. So, here's to me feeling better.)

Secret Single Behavior

Some of you have posted about what you do when your husbands go out of town. Generally that includes girls night, sappy movies, wine drinking, shopping, etc.

Let me tell you what mine has consisted of so far:

Working
Cleaning, serious cleaning. I dusted and vacuumed downstairs. Traded the summer pillows and throws to the Fall/Winter patterns. Cleaned the windows where Barley puts his nose to people watch. Removed the rug from the dining room (I hated it and decided the room would be better without it until we find one we like).
Yard Work. Pruning rose bushes, trimming trees and pulling weeds. And its not even done. But don't worry, I have told the Husband our Saturday is going to be filled with yard work since we need to aerate and seed.

Doesn't sound too fun does it......

Red Dress....

So I was going to post a picture of me in the cute red dress and the great belt I got to go with it...but the Husband took the camera.

Yes, you read that right I found a belt to go with it. But, you'll never believe where I found it, well maybe you will......I found it at Target for $16.99 or 10% of the price of the Cole Haan belt I wanted. It worked well. You all will be able to see once the Husband returns with the camera....Until then...

Birthday Wish List

Ladies (and gentlemen if you are reading) I need help....I need you to help me figure out what it is I want for this birthday of mine. I just don't know...there are a couple things at BR (purse, shoes and jewelry, I think the clothes are leaving a lot to be desired right now)that I like, JCrew has some cute stuff, blah, blah, blah...that relates to asking for Gift Cards. That's not really fun (and it should be a fun birthday). Though I do need some new clothes that fit. I know you all don't want to listen to me rant on about how my clothes are too big, but its the reality and I really need a couple new things (mainly for work) that actually fit.

BR Shoes

BR Purse (above and below) The one above might be too big and the one below is grey and I told the husband I wanted black, but I like the style below. There are a couple at Nordstrom (can't get the pictures to download) in Black - Francesco Biasia, Elliott Lucca and Marc by Marc Jacobs...

JCrew Kelsey Ruffle - very cute but see above, I would probably need to find a skirt or pants to fit as well

Then I come back to my ultimate wish list...a Cartier watch (I used to say Tank, but there are some other pretty cool designs), some diamond studs, etc. Those are probably out of the picture this year. And are really only gifts The Husband would get me or I would get myself with a big bonus!

Cartier TankCartier Roadster

And there are things I would like for the house, like picture frames (Big ones for paintings), a new rug in the dining room, etc....

So....I am still stuck with this dilemma ... people want to know what I want for my birthday........and I DON'T KNOW and Gift Cards are BORING....but might be the easiest answer.

Anti Shedding Shampoo

Not for me (though I seem to need it lately) but for the dog does NOT work. I vacuumed before Barley's bath on Friday. By Saturday morning there were little hair balls everywhere. Thus increasing my vacuuming frequency.

Anti Shedding Shampoo for Dogs....FAIL

29 going on 13

Or at least that's how it feels....my hormones are so out of whack from not being on the pill (referenced in last post and more details to come sometime). My face has been breaking out more now than it did when I was a teen....Seriously WTF...I thought you were supposed to outgrow that.

Birthday

So, I kind of have a big birthday coming up...one that will change my profile description...and I am not sure how I feel about it...part of me thinks it is no big deal, the other part thinks HOLY SHIT! Am I where I thought I would be, have I done what I wanted to in my 20s, should I feel older? Yikes, this is kind of freaking me out. I'm trying to hold on to the "its not that big a deal" but its getting harder. It is making me reflect on everything...jobs, life, kids, friends, etc. I think its good, in the long run, but my head is spinning...so much so that I've been a bit emotional. Last week was WEIRD...I totally lost it on the first day of my period. I blamed it on the fact that I started - not only the PMS bit, but the actual fact I had started (not what you want when you're trying to procreate - yes that's a whole nother story I haven't shared on here). But, I think maybe its been this whole birthday thing, maybe underneath it all, I am scared. Maybe really scared, because as I reflect, I'm not sure I am where I thought I would be. And so I am left pondering this big birthday....

I'm sure there will be more posts of this sort in the next couple weeks as I approach the "big X-0" but I thought I would just put this out there. I may regret it, but its out there now...

On to brighter things...I better start thinking about what I want for my birthday........