And trying to figure out how I feel about turning 30. Or maybe it isn't the turning 30 part that has me down lately. Here's what has been going on...
- Back in February I finally gave in to the Husband and decided to go off the pill. I say gave in because he was ready for kids the day we got married. I have always known that I wanted to be a mom, and if you had asked me 10 years ago, would have told you I would have at least 1 kid by now. Things changed, as they normally do, and I found myself holding out. Not because I didn't want kids, I just didn't think I was ready. I have been lucky to have a decent job and have excelled (at least until recently) quite quickly. I grew to love the thrill of completing a project or task successfully and didn't want to give that up. Also, I was scared I would get pregnant right away and would be totally freaked out (I had reason to believe this as several friends were pregnant within 2 months). So, I decided not to go off the pill until I would be prepared if it happened month 1.....well if you read my previous post on turning 30, you know that hasn't happened. Guess I shouldn't have been so worried. Who knows what may have happened. And now I can only believe that God has a plan for us. And it will happen, in His time.
-The Husband is still working to establish his business. While this is nothing new to you all (I think I have mentioned it before), the stress of this can wear one down and it has done that to me on several occasions. Not only the monetary stress, but the beating oneself up for not being the supportive spouse she should be. Its hard to get past the stress and realize this is a lifelong dream of his and the hard part will pass. And believe me, when it passes, we will be celebrating like crazy....hopefully with a fabulous trip and some shopping!! ( Tahiti anyone?!?!)
- My parents have decided to move. They are staying within the same town (which is a bummer itself since I had hoped they would move closer, especially with the potential grandbabies.) They will be moving before I am able to get home. The house they are leaving is the one we moved into when I was 12 (I think). Its the only real home I have known and it will be weird to go to visit at another. I am very happy for them though as this is what they have worked towards for years and it seems the house has everything Mom and Dad wanted. Can't wait to see it! (Plus its a bit bigger so will have more room for visits and those grandbabies when they do come.)
- Speaking of babies...is it me or is everyone around me getting pregnant?!?!? Which makes point one even more difficult to handle. I'm trying to balance the supportive happy friend with my own disappointment.
-My birthday is coming up, but I am having to plan everything. We're visiting in Lexington and I have organized our outing to Keeneland and Dinner. And then the Husband keeps asking what I want....um, its only 12 days away now.....
-Some reorg is going on at work and the way it was going to shake out was not good for me (or at least that is how I felt). A couple days later it was sorted out or at least its better. Looks like I will be traveling to Lexington one week a month.
Sense a common theme?!?! BALANCE....and let me tell you - I am about BALANCED out..........
(shew I guess I just laid it all out there. But I have been holding these in and figured its my blog and it should be an outlet for me....so there you have it. I'm going to try to be more open in the future. I've heard that putting things in "words" makes you feel better. So, here's to me feeling better.)
2 comments:
Wow, it sounds like you have a lot going on in your life tugging at you emotionally. As someone who had her first child at 31, after years of struggle, I can say that God hss a plan for us. It may be hard to believe now, but you'll come to see it. If you need someone to talk to about trying to start a family, feel free to e-mail me. I can relate with what you're facing right now, and then I was miraculously blessed with two beautiful babies who are now 4 and 2.
Oh honey, you have a LOT going on. I'm really sorry that you are stressed and trying to balance things so well when all you should really do is lay in bed for a weekend with a good book and clean sheets. I'm proud of you for keeping a good head on your shoulders and if there is anything that any of us in blogland can do, you can always ask! I'll say a prayer tonight that things will turn around soon and that your deepest desires are met!
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