I feel like this must be a topic on many parents' minds. I've only been a parent for just over a year, but sleep is a hot topic. My sleep, JW's sleep, how much we're getting, when to go to sleep, how many naps, etc. It's kind of overwhelming.
Overall I think JW is a great sleeper. In fact, I was looking back through my notes and this is what I found:
- at 1 month and 1 day JW slept for a 6 hour stretch at night
- at just shy of 2 months we got another 6 hour stretch followed by 2 nights of 7 hours
- a couple weeks later we got a random 8 and half hours
- at 5 months we started getting regular long stretches of sleep and then settled into a pattern
- JW has been consistent with 2 naps a day and the first one generally starts before 10
Now, just because he was sleeping that long, does not mean Mommy and Daddy were sleeping that long. His sleeps starts before 8PM, there is no way we're getting to bed before then. In fact, we generally haven't had dinner before then. (we've lived in Europe where dinner after 8 - or even 9 - is normal).
Late summer and into the fall JW got into a really good rhythm of going to bed around 7:30 and sleeping until at least 6:30. Then we travelled for Thanksgiving, hosted family and friends for his birthday, he turned 1 and started getting molars. Now our sleep is ALL OVER THE BOARD. He's still fairly consistent with two naps - morning and afternoon. The length of those naps is undetermined. A couple days in the last two weeks he skipped the afternoon nap all together. Bedtime is sometime between 7 and 8 with a bottle, diaper change and short rock with Mommy or Daddy. He's pretty good about going to sleep on his own (as in only a couple times a month do we have an issue.) But we've been up once a night almost every night. We'll have a few rough nights, then a good one or two (good being sleeping at least 11 hours). I think our better nights of sleep are when JW goes to bed between 6:30 and 7:00.
But getting him to bed between 6:30 and 7 is HARD. Not to mention if he goes to bed that early, Daddy might not see him all day. And as a working mommy, how am I to run any errands during the week when we can't get out of the house before 5:00? I really believe consistency and routine are good for JW. But is that good for Mommy and Daddy? Is Mommy just trying to do too much? Work, volunteer, maintain the house, a marriage and a life?
I have moments where I feel an overwhelming sense of failure, like I'm not doing any of it right. And moments where all is right with the world - we've had a wonderful dinner, JW is happy, the house is clean, I'm caught up on volunteer emails (I'm an officer with my sorority). But those are rare. Sometimes we have a great dinner. Sometimes I've spent good quality time with JW. Every other week my house is clean (yes, we've hired a house cleaner). And sometimes I'm so overwhelmed with the to do list - I just spend the evening hanging with JW - playing and loving on him. Which is what's really important, right?
Please tell me I'm not the only one struggling with this sleep, schedule, how to get it all done issue.......
If you have any tips/tricks on "getting it done", please share!
Until next time........
4 comments:
Hugs Jess. I spend my weeks failing and succeeding all over the place ! Succeeding in going to exercise class, failing to put the ironing away until there is no point because we have used all the clothes out of the pile anyway. Succeeding in teaching Ryan how to put his own coat on, but failing to make the appointment for my car maintenance. Succeeding in completing a project at work, failing to stay up late enough to get everything done that needs done. Since Ryan was born, I get things done in bite-sized chunks and, almost three years on, I’m starting to accept that this is just the way it will be! I wish I had some tips or tricks for you, but hoping that the knowledge that you are not alone reassures you a bit! We too struggle with making sure Ryan gets to bed on time, making sure we have quality time with him (and with eachother) and balancing work life, home life and other responsibilities.
When I get in a flap about the state of the house, the out-of-control administration or the pending deadlines, I try to remember the wee poem which someone sent me the day I went back to work after my maternity leave:
“I hope that my child looking back on today, remembers a mummy who had time to play.
Children grow up while you're not looking, there'll be years ahead for cleaning and cooking.
So quiet now cobwebs, dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don’t keep...”
You are right, that is what is really important :D
like you said - ALL parents struggle with sleep at some point and if they don't I'm convinced they must have given birth to an alien haha! We actually had the opposite issue as you - we had big time sleep problems from 4 months to about 8 or 9 months. Bed time was never an issue but Forrest would wake some night every 45 minutes. It was hell if we're being honest! he's gotten into a GREAT schedule and sleep pattern now going to bed between 7 and 7:30 and up between 6 and 7 (not waking through the night)...but this only started 2 weeks before he turned 1! And up until then we were garunteed to be up once or twice at least through the night!! My only advice is to try and get into a routine of some sort (I know not very helpful). With teething it can be tough too! Hang in there - like everything else: this too shall pass and you'll be back to a normal sleep schedule (well as normal as we can get being parents).
We get home, usually, around 5:30 (occasionally later) and Spencer goes to bed around 7:15. So the minute we are home, it's prepare dinner, feed him, clean up his dinner, bath time (every other night), play and read for a few minutes and then bed. It is exhausting. We never run errands after work due to how fast this time goes (okay, rarely ever, it has happened on occasion if I get out of work early), and I'm so spent at the end of the day that the thought of going to Target or the grocery store at 8:00 at night makes me nauseous. Do you think he is ready for just one nap a day so that he is more tired at night? He's about the age when Spencer switched over. His nap is usually from noon until two, though occasionally it will start at 11:30 if he's in meltdown mode. He does well the rest of the afternoon and is rarely crabby prior to bedtime. He is up by 6:15 or 6:30 ish. He wakes himself up most mornings, but if he doesn't, we do have to get him up by 6:45 to get out of the house on time. B and I get home at the same time, so I don't have to worry about him seeing Spence, but that would be SO hard.
If you need to get errands done, can you "duck out" of emails/mtgs at lunch or at 4 p.m. and catch up later or do you not have that kind of flexibility (I don't, but B does)? That may help a bit. Let me know if I can help in any other way!!
It's never easy being a parent and working full-time! Rich and I have found that it's better if we "divide and conquer" - meaning during the week one of us will clean up the kitchen or do laundry while the other gives the kids a bath and starts the bedtime routine. And we do the same on the weekends - rather than all 4 of us try to make it to the grocery, then Rich will go by himself or with Zach, and I'll stay home, or run another errand with only Mallory. It has worked really well for us because we can get errands/shopping done much faster.
Sleep is something that is not always easy either! I know at one year Zach transitioned from 2 naps to just 1 nap in the middle of the day. It was hard at first, and for a while he was going to bed at 7pm - which you said JW likes that earlier bedtime. My two cents is that consistency and routine are good and try that for a while to see if his sleep patterns at night improve.
As for errands during the week I either go out during lunch or Rich stops by the grocery store on his way to get the kids. I know your story is a bit different since you are both working from home (right?) but I would try to run the errands on the weekends or other times during the day rather than after 5pm. It never hurts to try it for a while and see how it works! Good luck!!
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